Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
