If i come over, it means nothing
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
