Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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