do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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