you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
