Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
