God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
oh god was she eating orange peels again
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
