so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
We had to coat check the pizza.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
