She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
it's like heaven, but drunker
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
