he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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