I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
