he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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