do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
