apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
