When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
