I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
