dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Randomize
