my soul wont recognize me after tonight
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
