"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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