dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
our cab driver is having phone sex.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
