I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
