yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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