I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
