we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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