Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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