listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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