There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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