I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
