I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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