his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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