Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
