We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
