I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
