How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
