my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
