I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
