hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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