Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
