I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
