As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
