So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
