Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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