my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
