Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Do vagina's smell?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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