So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
