if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
