Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I feel great
I just peed on a car
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
