Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
