Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
