I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
