Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
