I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
