He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
