There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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